


Do you miss him?

by Snarkyowl



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Janus has feelings, Janus' feelings for Virgil can be read as romantic or strongly platonic, Remus does too, They are drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 07:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26349112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarkyowl/pseuds/Snarkyowl
Summary: Drunken reminiscing can either go very well or very bad, and in this case it's... emotional. For both of them. Sometimes, losing a friend isn't as easy as you make it look.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Kudos: 17





	Do you miss him?

“Do you ever miss him?”

They’re drunk. Very. And logically-- ha, logic… Logan… -- he knows he shouldn’t answer that right now. Knows he should pretend he’s too drunk to understand and move on with some dignity left. Instead he gives a sad smile, fangs glinting in the dull light from the moon, and nods his head once.   
“Yes. I do. I miss him very much, every day. But he isn’t coming back, is he? And that’s… well. That’s something.” Janus sighs, throwing his head back against his chair and shutting his eyes. The admission stings, burns his eyes and makes his throat close as if trying to trap the words inside him. 

Remus makes an odd sound from where he’s positioned on the floor, downing the rest of his drink before throwing the glass into the fire with a sudden flare of rage that Janus is far too uesd to. “I hate him.” Remus says, though the warble in his voice and the shine to his eyes says otherwise. “I hate… I hate Anxiety. For leaving.”  
They hadn’t used his name since he left. It felt wrong, felt like they had somehow lost the right to. While they both used it to his face if only to irk him, in private it was… it was something of a taboo. Never speak the name of the one that rose above them. 

Them… who were they? Dark sides? Yet all they wanted was for Thomas to thrive. Janus wanted him to feel free and happy and put himself first for once, Remus just wanted him to be able to stay relevant in an ever-changing world that had more demands than family-friendly could provide.  
The others hated them for that, though, and while Janus knew their methods were unorthodox could they not at least have a seat at the table? 

“Roman is a bastard.” Remus claims, taking a swig directly from the bottle now. Janus hums in sympathy, acknowledging the lie for what it is. Remus has always hidden behind anger and spontaneity, threats and violence. He knows no other way, has never understood reaching out and being vulnerable.  
Then again, here in the dark it was best you didn’t let yourself seem weak. Never knew when someone might take advantage.

Janus couldn’t blame Vir-- Anxiety for leaving. Not really. As much as he had screamed in the aftermath, as much as he had snarled and hissed at Anxiety for having the audacity to turn against his family, he knew. He knew that Anxiety was self-preserving first and he was happier among the Lights, whether Janus wanted to accept it or not. His little Anxiety, his closest friend, his dearest confidante, had found something better, and that was that.   
He couldn’t change it, try as he might.

Lifting himself up with a grimace, he lifts a gloved hand to rub delicately over irritated scales. He feels terribly heavy and yet knows he is terribly frail, swaying drunkenly in place before moving forward to grab the bottle from Remus and finish it in a few gulps. A little freedom, a little floating.   
“We should go to bed.” He notes once he’s done, staring dully at the fire. “Get some rest before they summon us tomorrow.”  
“They’re summoning us tomorrow?” Remus asks from the floor, naked and confused and oh so dear to Janus. Sometimes the snake wondered when he would leave too, wiggling his way into the hearts of the others with his odd behavior that could be endearing if looked at the right way. And if he would stop hitting his brother with- “Janny?”  
“Mm? Ah. Yes. Logan mentioned doing a video that involves… well. All of us.”   
“Oh.”  
“Indeed.” Janus sighs, rubbing the human half of his face with weariness someone so young shouldn’t know. “Go rest, Rem. I’ll clean up in here.” 

Remus hesitates only a few moments before vanishing with a soft goodnight and a yawn. Janus smiles sadly at an empty room, figures dancing across his vision as he briefly flirts with the idea of being with the Lights. Of being with Anxiety again, side by side as friends just once more. 

The imagination can be so cruel. 

As a few quiet tears drip from his chin, Janus cleans the living room alone and makes sure to leave the lights off as he goes.


End file.
